CaT Club

~The Tricksters Hangout ~

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01. Ikea

A must read!

by ~teenbeen42

 Far from what mortals had been lead to believe, Asgard wasn’t all feasting halls with long wooden tables. Alright, that was literally all Valhalla was, but really, mortal heroes didn’t need much else. As long as the beer goat didn’t get sick, they were happy.
..
The gods, on the other hand, had way too much money and power to deal with having wooden furniture everywhere. Way too uncomfortable, way too many splinters in bad places. Luckily for all involved, the norns didn’t particularly enjoy wooden everything either, so they minorly abused the passage of time to obtain an Ikea catalogue.
..
Once it had been thoroughly passed around, so

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Pest control.

Loki’s to do list: Check on the brewing mead. Bake a cake for Sleipner.

 ‘What the FUCK are YOU doing here?!!’ Loki’s voice rumbles over the whole house.

The four members in the couch arrangement look up shortly from their poker game. The newest member glares questioningly towards the kitchen door.

‘We have a perfectly fine TEA KITCHEN in the Common area!!‘ Loki’s voice continues in a shrill tone. ‘You are NOT allowed to BE HERE!’

There are some bumps and growls and the sound of things falling.

‘Yeah, but LAST TIME my mead was FUCKING SPOILED! Forty liters of honey water with a bacterial INFECTION you smiling FREAK! MY MEAD!!’

More sounds of running steps and bumps from the kitchen, then a ringing nose from something metallic hitting a hard floor.

Loki storms out from the kitchen banging the door behind him. The Poker players turn around to watch him rummage around in cupboard with music players, electronics, CDs and DVDs and various instruments.

‘That’s it.’ Loki grumbles. ‘Time for the fucking big weapons!’

He plugs a small loudspeaker in a battered iPod and runs back to the kitchen.

‘I warned you! OUT!’ Loki yells.

‘But Loki-san…’ a smooth voice answers pleasantly.

‘OUT OF THE KITCHEN!’

‘Why?’

‘NOW!’

Suddenly the soft sounds of string instruments flow from the kitchen and the gravelly voice of Louis Armstrong starts with ‘I see trees of green, red roses too…’

A shape of black and purple bolts out from the kitchen and somehow manage to politely slam the door shot. The shape flickers a little, and then a man with purple hair a black cape and yellow turtleneck stands in the room. He’s looking a little queasy and green and squeezing a pot of tea closely.

‘That was most rude.’ He mumbles.

‘WHAT A WONDERFUL WOOOOOORLD!!’ Loki’s voice rings out from the kitchen as he sings along.

The guest with the teapot back away further from the kitchen door.

‘To blatantly exploit other’s weaknesses like that!’ The purple haired one sighs sadly. ‘Oh well.’

Hermes turns away from the Poker table for the first time and glared at the newcomer.

‘He’s right, you know.’ Hermes huffs. ‘It’s usually your fault if the mead spoils, and Loki’s cakes always collapse when you’re near, even though you like cake!’

‘And it was you who talked Coyote and Fox into making a chicken race in the wine cellar.’ Mr. Nancy comments from the other side of the table.

The newcomer smiles happily and rubs the back of his head. ‘Ah well, we can’t help how we’re made.’ He grins. ‘Hi everyone. Who’s the new guy, Hermes-san?’

Hermes sighs and turns back to the Poker table, Anansi is grinning widely to the others and pokes at Hermes. Hermes rubs his face and mumbles something about why it always have to be him doing the dirty work.

‘Ok.’ Hermes turns back. ‘This is Gabriel, he’s a tricky Archangle for the Lord and good at cheating in Poker. Gabe, this is Xellos from some other dimension. Xellos wont’ lie to you but he might torture you to death for the fun of it. Want to join our game when you finished cuddling your tea Mr. Xellos?’

Xellos nods, the teapot disappears and he finds a place by the table.

‘So…’ Gabriel asks slowly. ‘What kind of trickster is allergic to Armstrong and tortures people to death?’

‘Gabe!’ Hermes sighs. ‘Look at him! You’re running around like a blind mouse here, remember to look at others in all aspects!’

Gabriel shrugs a little and puts on a pair of very dark sunglasses and looks around. Then he scrambles up, falls back over his chair and glares up pointing at Xellos.

‘He’s EVIL!’ Gabriel gasps out. ‘Very, very evil!’

The others look at him. Mr. Nancy grins and lights another cigarillo and then offers Gabriel a hand.

‘It takes all kinds, kiddo.’ Mr Nancy smiles. ‘You’ll get used to it.’

‘After all, were here to relax, not work.’ Xellos shrugs and smiles again. ‘Please do not worry, Gabriel-san.’

‘And if you need to protect anyone against evil, a happy song is good.’ Hermes adds. ‘Loki has a selection of offence CD’s on the shelves.’

‘That was not nice, Hermes-san.’

‘Shut up and make your bid, Xellos.’

Xellos in Loki'sKitchen

Filed under Loki Xellos Anansi Hermes Gabriel Charmsandtrickery Slayers supernatural mr. Nancy cake

2 notes

Shopping

Loki’s to do list: Inventory of the kitchen and shopping.

Loki scrambles through the last cupboard and sighs heavily. He drags a few pieces of waste paper out and throws them towards a bin.

Loki: No more chocolate. I guess we have to order three times more candy bars and cocoa now that Archangel is a member. There were complaints about missing chocolate ice cream too. What is it with celestials and demonic entities and chocolate? Don’t they get laid?

Fox: I don’t think so, Loki. Do they even have the right parts?

L: Yeah, they do. And if they don’t they can get them.

F: Like shapeshifting. Uh Uh, I have experimented with a whole lot of anthropomorphic shapes, it’s really awesome. I can get all kinds of hands and paws.

L: Nice, Fox, could you please hand me the postit blok?

F: It’s after all those fox-girls and boys have become popular, I guess I have to go thank Kitsune.

L: You do that. Hmmm Chocolate, candy bars, cocoa, Ice Cream – various, coffee, beer (loads), four whole pig roasts, extra chickens…. Do we need more?

Loki and Fox in the kitchen

F: Could we get some rabbits? Please? I like rabbits!

L: Not as long as Nanabozho is a member.

F: Aww, it’s not as if we’re gonna eat him!

L: I know, but he’s going to try to get you to, and then he’ll make a racket and complain to me just to make more paperwork for me. I have paperwork.

F: Oh… well I guess it’s chickens then.

L: Yeah. Ok I think this is it. Could you anthropomorphize yourself upstairs and give the grocery list to Hermes? He said he’d do the shopping today.

Fox: Sure.

Fox changes shape with a soft whistle and grins to Loki and runs out of the kitchen to find the fast Greek.

Hermes is sitting quietly in a soft chair reading a book, if you look closer you see it a volume of Percy Jackson and the Olympians. A god needs to keep up with his …. Worshippers. He hums a jolly tune for himself.

Suddenly Fox jumps up on the small table beside him.

Hermes reading and Fox

Fox: Hermes! Loki said that we should go Grocery shopping!

Hermes: Fox?¨

F: Yup!

H: Why the Hades are you looking like that?

F: Like it? It’s a foxgirl schoolgirl. It’s getting reeeeealy popular. Ain’t I cute?

H: Schoolgirl Aren’t you usually male?

F: Ah tch. Male schmale! You shouldn’t stay too fixed on one form or gender… Hey you’re never female, are you Hermes? That’s so sad! You really should try! You could come with us at the next ‘Girls Night Out’! It would be fab!

H: Erh… No thank you… What was the message from Loki?

F: You don’t know what you’re losing, pal. Loki wants us to go shopping.

H: Us? Not just me?

F: Us! Definitely! You can take me on your back. *Puppy eyes*

H: Sigh, Ok, Fox

Hermes flight A/S Passenger 1 fox

Fox is on Hermes back snuggling close and laughing in the wind. Hermes runs as fast has he can over road and forest and field and sky.

Hermes: Fox! Your boobies are a little annoying!

Fox: You’re just jealous!

H: No, really, they’re obscuring my view!

F: Pffft. Well… I can go male, but you smell so good and are so nice, Hermes, so I’d probably start poking lower down. *snortgiggle*

H: That’s ok.

F:  So I stay… Wait? What?

H: I’m Ancient Greek, Foxy Fox, I don’t mind cute boys poking a little. And I rather prefer that we’ve not have an accident at 300 Km/hr

F: Uh…Ok, Greek boy. Boy Fox coming up.

Filed under Loki Hermes Mr. Fox trickster charmsandtrickery cat club Fox

17 notes

Advice to Daughters

addygryff:

Eat with heroes; eat with beasts
feast with villains if you must
but don’t let me catch you – yet again,
dining late with Mr. Fox

Drink with soldiers, drink with thieves
Join the drunkards at the pub
Pick your poison anyhow,
but not with Loki on the rocks

Swing with swingers, jig with jugglers
and come home late for all I care
but don’t go dancing with Anansi
he’ll step on you with feet so clumsy

Pretty :D 

(Source: abigsexyjellyfish)

Filed under charmsandtrickery Loki Mr. Fox Anansi

6 notes

Caring for new members

Loki’s to do list: Relax with friends and drink whatever’s nearby.

The Common Room is almost empty. The lights are tuned down to a soft glow and plumes of smoke are blurring the view. In one corner a rather fancy sound system is playing happy jazz tunes at a low volume. There’s a low murmur from the softest couch in the center of the room. Mr. Nancy and Loki are sitting in each corner of the couch.

They are drinking somewhat decent spirits and wine, and mead, and probably beer too, for good measures. The two tricky entities are talking and laughing every now and then. They are probably telling stories or bragging or maybe they are giving each other new ideas for little games to play on their friends and family.

The trickster of the cold north is sitting on the arm rest of the couch. Unconsciously he leans away whenever the trickster from the warm south moved an arm or a hand towards him. But the Norse Trickster is still smiling, unworried.

The visage is a little blurry. Is it really two people sitting there? Or is it two insects or something? The figures seem to shift and change whenever your eyes glide around the room. It is two figures, or rather two men.

The Nordic master of mischief is looking like an androgynous male in his twenties with messy spiked hair and a terribly red Hawaiian shirt, luckily with no print, unless your eyes shifts and you see some tasteless and strange fiery patterns. He’s smoking something that looks like cigarettes, but it could be something else. Better not ask. His cheeks and eyes are gloving and he’s drinking something out of a cow horn. Urgh!

The southern master of dance and stories are looking rather strappy with a lime green fedora and canary yellow gloves. The jacket of his fine checkered suit is placed over the back of the couch. He has the face of an old man, but his body is twitching with life. His cigarillo burns with a harsh lingering smell. He’s happily swinging a fancy fruit filled pink and orange drink around. There are several umbrellas in the glass.

Loki and Mr. Nancy

Loki: No no no. It’s not that sweet chewing anise thing that you call liquorice I’m talking about. It’s the real stuff! Salt liquorice with real salmiak you need! The, the… moment I’ll just look it up… ah. Ammoniumchloride! And then mix it with vodka and glucose and even some normal salt. I tell you. The tongue goes numb and the brain starts itching and fizzing!

Mr. Nancy: You Norse guys are crazy. Why does my tongue need to go numb? No, you should try the banana, pineapple, dragon fruit piña colada with extra umbrellas.

L: Nah. Way too sweet, and I’m fruity enough without it. You need something to keep you warm and going. Like Chili Mead. Awesome thing by the way! Chili! And ginger! Though I love Horseradish and Wild Celery I’ve really come to appreciate all your spices.

N: Yeah. You can’t make decent food without it. I don’t want your chili mead in my drink though.

L: You don’t know what you’re missing, Mr. Nancy.

N: I think I’d have to go to a cold dark place to really appreciate your brewages, my boy.

L: We could always go visit my daughter, she keeps a stash for me.

N: The house rules say ‘No opening of portals to Death Realms’ Mr. Manager!

L. Spoil sport!

N: How is your family by the way?

L: Fine, as long as I’m here. How about yours?

N: I believe they feel the same way, Loki.

Both tricksters start laughing. They seem happy and there’s the feeling you get when you can see your favorite storyteller is about to gather the untold tales around the listeners and spin a new story.

Suddenly they both look at you. Their eyes are glowing with annoyingly knowing smiles. You try to stop thinking of flies and spiders ganging up on you. Loki turns around again and the world breaths more freely.

L: Hi Hermes. Come here and let us see our new favorite angel.

Hermes: Hi Loki, Anansi. This is our new probationary member: Gabriel. Archangel for the lord. Messenger of his god. And our new trickster friend.

G: Hi, I’m so glad to finally meet you all. It’s a cool place and…

L: So! An angel. I thought you were all supposed to be made of light and prettiness. How come you have such an ugly mug?

N: Now now, Loki. He probably can’t help it.

L: Just asking. Guess we’re so accustomed gods who can choose their own appearance here.

G: Um. It’s a body I borrowed.

L: Uh. We are a trickster, all stealing others bodies.

L: Uh. Is it a dead body?! How long has it been dead? I know you guys are chickens when it comes to being dead. How long was your boy Jesus dead? Three days? You know Odin’s usually dead for nine days and nights. And Mr. Nancy here has been lying low, very low, actually five feet under for months and months.

Gabriel blinks a few times and then he turns to the other messenger god.

G: Hermes, is this usually how you treat new members?

L: No. Only members from a family that either claims I don’t exist or that I’m a demon. And then proceed to take my worshippers and my land and then not even calls back after the date. And you’re still just a temporary member.

G: You know I haven’t worked with my family for a long time.

H: Loki, weren’t you going to put Christianity behind you?

L: No fucking way. I’ve a right to bitch and complain as much as I want. If not, then at least for my daughters sake. Have you heard what Christians say about Hel? Christ can go fuck himself. I’ve nothing against getting it from behind, but not from that looser.

N: Clam down Loki m’boy.

Mr. Nancy laughs and grabs one of Loki’s flailing arms. The other god freezes for an instand eyes wide and then Loki throws himself back. Back over the armrest of the couch flailing and falling down on the floor. Mead is splashing everywhere and bottles are rolling around clinking and clucking against each other.

L: Fuck you, Nancy!

Loki yells and curses and then tries to pour mead out of one ear. Mr. Nancy just grins and then leans over the couch and pours his drink down Loki’s neck, making sure the ice cubes glides down too.

Loki screams and splutters and then starts laughing.

N: You were getting shrill, Loki m’boy. We let your crazy friends use this place. Odin… and those weird Japanese guys. I know our Hermes have been talking with young Gabriel here since Constantinople. So take it a peg down.

L: Aw. OK. Hi Gabes, pleased to meet you.

Loki jumps up and grasps Gabriel with sticky hands. The Norse trickster shakes hands and then hugs the Angel closely dripping mead all over the celestial creature and patting his head with syrupy fingers.

L: Hermes, give out new guy The Tour and then show him how to apply for necessities.

Then the god of the cold north finds his horn and fills it with a black liquid from a bottle and cautiously climbs back onto the couch. The southern god man of tricks and songs smiles and pats the seat beside him. There’s magically a new beautifully made cocktail in his other hand. Loki shakes his head and sits on the backrest instead. The messengers of god and gods sneak away.

Gabriel: What was that all about? Is Loki afraid of Mr. Nancy?

Hermes: Well duh!

G: Why?

Hermes looks puzzled for a moment then thoughtfull.

H: How much can you see with those eyes? Can you see all realities?

G: I can see a lot, but not all without turning my Grace on full.

H: Try doing that and take a look at Mr. Anansi and Loki again.

G: Isn’t that a little…

H: There’s no one mortal here. And if something happens I know that Loki always keeps a few Apple-pies in the freezer.

Gabriel nods and then looks around in the room with his full sight. Loki calls about turning the light down or get the Nifhell out but Gabriel ignores the whiny complaints.

All the flickering layers of the Common room turn sharp. We can all see everything. Even the weird poster on the fathers wall, that wasn’t there before.

Gabriel looks at Loki Liesmith and Clever Anansi. He sees two men, who have many shapes. He see them pretty and ugly and kind and nasty.

Gabriel looks at Loki Jotunkin and Mr. Nancy. There’s a horse, a wolf, a seal and a fire dancing at the backrest and a child a dancer and a creator smoking cigarillos in the other end.

Gabriel sees Loki and Anansi and he See. Gabriel sees underneath there is a stinging fly, a glowing wasp, a flaming firefly buzzing and watching the world with multiple eyes. And beside the fly sits a clever spinner, a great flycatcher, a spindling spider grinning at the world and holding all the threads.

Fly and Spider

Filed under Loki Hermes Gabriel Mr. Nancy Anansi charmsandtrickery Cat club supernatural norse mythology

7 notes

First visit.

The seemingly young man stands in front of the door. He’s somewhat chubby and looks slightly goofy with back combed hair and loose homey clothes. He fiddles around in his pocket and finally finds a chocholate bar which he starts eating in a distracted manner.

He looks at the door again, and at the house and its surroundings. It’s build with a weird mixture or artistic brilliance, sloppy make-do’s and unexpected trash. Kind of pretty though, in a chaotic spendor.

The sign on top of the door reads:

Welcome to CaT Club J

The young man shifts from foot to foot and looks around. Then he finnish his chocolate bar with a last resolute bite and knocks on the door.

Knock Knock Knock

-

-

-

Nothing happens for a while.

The young man sighs, then he opens the door resolutely while smoothing his hair with a hand. The hall is dark and smoky. There’s a sweet smell of honey, sage and sweet tobacco mixed with something sharp and alcoholic.

There’s a desk just to the right where a dark figure is lounging. The man behind the desk is leaning backward on a wooden chair. His winged cap is pulled down over his face and heavy rhythms are coming from his headphones.

The young man smiles a little as he recognizes the other person. Then he leans over the desk and yells:

 Hello Hermes!

The other one, Hermes, gives a start and falls back flailing. The firs one laughs and offers a helping  hand.

Hermes: Oh.,Hi Gabe. You surprised me!

Gabriel: Sorry. I got the admission letter from Loki, so I thought I’d come by and say hallo.

H: Yeah, sure. Um… I have your new membership card here.

Hermes looks around the desk and finally finds an orange and light blue plastic card in the ashtray. He fished it up and try to dust it off a little.

H: Here you go, sorry about that. Loki gets distracted easily… Everybody here does.

G. It’s ok, Herm.

H: Hermes, please. A herm sounds like a disease or some kind of ulcer.

G: Whatever. So, um… Where is everybody?

H: There was a party last night, so the only ones here are me and Loki. And then Compé Anansi who’s been living on the couch since his son’s took over the family business.

G: Oh. I guess I’ll go and say hallo then.

Filed under Gabriel Hermes Trickster charmsandtrickery

12 notes

Membership Application

To do list: Read through papers in the inbox.

Loki: Hmm. Bill, bill, complaint, complaint, complaint. When do they realize we don’t answer complaints?

Ah, finally the repayment from Kitsune and Fox after their last Chicken on the Rocks experiment.

Oh?

Hmm. What the fuck does he want?

Loki carefully opens the letter, you never know with letters to the CaT Club. Members and applicants do have a wicked sense of humor, and complainers and suchlike are often enraged and looking for revenge.

Loki reading letters

Membership application?

L: What the fuck?

The Tricksters application

L: I really don’t know… No, I don’t think we can… Hmm. I better write a polite answer. He’s pretty powerful after all.

Dear Gabriel.

We’re very happy for you application but we’re sorry that we must refuse you. It has come to our knowledge that you are in fact a freaking Archangel from a fucking Monotheistic religion that’s trying to fuck up every other god and spirit in the whole world not to mention that you’re using my fucking name!

Whops…

L:Hmm. Better not send that.

Delete delete delete.

Dear Gabriel.

We’re flattered that you want to join our humble Club. However there might be some trouble between you and other members if we let you join. The problem is your status as an Archangel and a former servant of the bastard JHVH who wants everything for himself and is a right bastard…

L: Sigh! No no no.

Hermes: What’s up Loki? You’ upset, bro?

L: Yeah. Freaking Gabriel wants to join! And I don’t know what to do.

H: Why not let him? He’s got a pretty sweet Trickster getup!

L: Gabriel. Angle of JHVH. One of the archangels of the three Abrahamic religions who are forever trying to fuck with the rest of us! The Snob! For fucks sake!

H: You really need to get over Christianity, bro. I know they fucked us all over and took our people, but they’re here to stay.

L: Grrr!

H: And we’re getting a few back nowadays, right!?

H: Look. He’s a messenger like many other of us, he likes fun and he’s good at baking cakes. Why don’t you just give him a temporary membership and see what happens?

L: Fuck you! Hermes!

Let him get a temp membership

L: Hmmm…

H: And we can always let him go through a few ‘membership rituals’ and see how he takes it… if you know what I mean ;)

L: Hmmm… Ok. But if he starts calling himself Loki again he’s out!

Filed under Gabriel Hermes Loki Trickster membership charmsandtrickery